“We’re DINKs. We’re DINKWADs. And we are proud of it! There is nothing to be ashamed of!”
“What on earth is a DINK or DINKWAD?” you might ask.
It’s an acronym for a couple with Dual Income, No Kids (DINK). Adding With A Dog makes them DINKWADs.
DINKs are couples who have “taken over social media,” according to Christian podcast host and 2024 Illinois Family Institute banquet speaker Allie Beth Stuckey.
Other thoughtful commentators like Steve Deace recently analyzed the DINK group and went so far as to ask if this group would be the death of the U.S.! Increasingly we are hearing of and learning more about this present and deeply disturbing demographic challenge of childless adults. How ought Christians think of and respond to this trend?
First, let’s clear up any confusion. Christians ought to glorify God by being careful thinkers and thoughtful speakers on the subject of couples with no children. We ought to be eager to avoid unnecessary offense (1 Cor. 10:31-33) and not judge by appearance but with righteous judgment (John 7:24).
One point worth clarifying in this discussion is that while it is true that childlessness is a highly personal and often painful matter for many, those are not the people in view here.
Some (perhaps even many) married couples sincerely desire children and thus far, in God’s providence, have been prevented from having them. Do not presume that every childless couple has bought into godless thinking.
In our fallen world, fertility is not guaranteed. So, assume the best, get to know the husband and wife, and be sensitive to the reality of each couple’s situation.
If you are among this number who thus far have been unable to have children, know that the Lord is faithful, He loves you, and He does not wish for you to wall yourself off from your couple friends who have children (and certainly does not wish that you would grow bitter towards them).
In fact, I am entirely convinced you who are presently childless but desire children will be surprised at just how much honoring God’s call to rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15) and loving those you could be tempted to envy will help you break free of sins and sadness so you walk more fully in the joy of the Lord.
That said, for the purposes of this post, we are not talking about these couples but rather those who do not want children and proudly say so.
Second, glorify God by thinking theologically on the matter of willful childlessness. God is the worthy Creator and generous, life-giving Lord of all. Let us never forget and keep close to our minds and hearts that false worship and bad theology always have real consequences.
To the thoughtful Christian (or even perhaps just an honest observer), this DINK/DINKWAD trend should come as little to no surprise. When people elevate reputation, success, status, the next piece of technology, the hot vacation spot, and personal comfort and pleasure above virtually everything else, what should we expect them to value? To them, the most important achievements of an ideal life are tied to money and reputation.
While it is not wrong to work hard and make money, the love of money is the deadly, subtle, and even sadly justified idol of choice to achieve these other things (more on this below).
In the eyes of many in the sinful world, having a child or multiple children will hinder these “achievements” and this ideal lifestyle. However, fruitlessness is a leading and very recognizable consequence of rejecting the Lord of life and His wisdom (Proverbs 8:36). Love of money is a destructive snare. The Lord Jesus said you cannot serve God and wealth but will either hate one or love the other (Matthew 6:24; Luke 16:13).
There is alluring yet toxic deceitfulness in riches that chokes out the word from taking root in the hearts of men (Mark 4:19). In fact, if we merely want to get rich, the Lord graciously gives us a warning of great ruin and destruction that awaits us if we continue on this foolish path (1 Timothy 6:9). Heed the wisdom of the Word: Little children, guard yourselves and flee from idols (1 John 5:21; 1 Cor. 10:14).
If the love of money is your idol and God’s Spirit is convicting you concerning it, repent of it now before the Lord. Don’t delay but humbly ask for God’s forgiveness and mercy and look at what God has done in Christ at the cross.
Ask the Lord for a renewed mind—He is abundantly gracious and will freely and fully pardon you for all your sins (even socially acceptable ones). Afterward, share with God-fearing friends in your local church.
Third, live in light of sound theology. Pastors of local churches and their members ought to wisely and lovingly urge young men and women towards earlier marriage, child-bearing, and child-rearing (again I reiterate—responsibly, wisely, and with God-fearing counsel). Recently, a young man in our church shared how one of our elders and deacons lovingly challenged him on his negative attitude toward children.
As this young man described the exchange, he said his mentality had been “very selfish and self-focused and I had to repent of it.” Praise God! This is the healthy body of the Lord Jesus Christ at work in the local church. It is “iron sharpening iron” (Proverbs 27:17) with long-term earthly consequences.
Consider: The Lord said early on to those who bear His image as male and female: “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” (Genesis 1:26-28). The Lord repeated this command to humanity after Noah and his family left the ark (Genesis 9:1) and throughout Scripture, there is never any hint of a reversal of this.
In fact, in God’s written Word there is only a deepened and increased encouragement for God’s people to understand children as a blessing from Him, the God who opens and closes the womb (Genesis 15:5; Genesis 33:5; Genesis 48:9; Joshua 24:3; Psalm 113:9; Psalm 127:3-5; Hebrews 11:11-12).
When married couples have children, rejoice greatly and make it a big deal.
Even when an unmarried woman in your church shares she is pregnant and chooses life rather than aborting her pre-born baby, celebrate this choice to God’s glory and help her (i.e., celebrate the choice of life, not the sin of fornication—that should be repented of publicly to your church if she is a member).
All truth is God’s truth and living in light of sound theology drawn from Scripture and facts found in God’s world leads to beautiful living and contentment. Consider contacting the wonderful people at the Abstinence and Marriage Partnership for more great resources on this.
Fourth, do not ignore childlessness or act like it is not your problem. The United States of America has steadily dipped below the replacement rate since 2007, having been on this downward spiral for a while. Please realize if you are not presently, you will be and ought to be meeting and ministering to these neighbors very soon. Tragically (though understandably in a toxically feminist culture) many young, single, childless women demonstrate a foolish propensity to support reckless leftist policies and politicians.
These women are in many horrific ways reshaping the United States (see this article for more).
As Christians, we should hold our daughters and granddaughters in the highest esteem and honor. Historically speaking, the true church of Christ has in God’s kindness been very good for women (especially when compared to pagan, atheistic, and other religious systems—see this important article by Dr. Robert Woodberry for more on this topic).
Praise God for the impact of biblical truth upon individuals, families, neighborhoods, and nations.
The reality is that the vast majority of girls and young women in the church do not and will not have the God-given gift of celibacy. They will rightly desire to be married to a Christian man and have children.
Yet sadly, many women who grew up in professing Christian homes are now grown up, unmarried, and childless or married and childless (and proud of all these things). They support and vote for foolish civil magistrates and politicians who are brazen in their open hostility against the Lord Jesus Christ and God’s truth.
These politicians champion the murder of preborn children, all the while promoting harmful lies about basic matters of marriage, gender, and sexuality. They wickedly ignore commonsense economics and good stewardship in favor of bloated, irresponsible big government programs that demonstrably have a failing track record.
Could it be these unmarried women and DINKs are looking out for nothing more than themselves and cannot look beyond because the church refuses to disciple, discipline, and ultimately love them?
Could it be these women will soon be DINKs if they do get into a relationship and will continue to have little to no stake in the next generation’s well-being?
Could it be that the church of Christ has not loved them well and cared for them but forgotten them and thus forgotten God’s wisdom concerning children as well?
I do not think it is as simple as saying, “It is all the DINKs and unmarried women’s fault.” Though they have sin for which they must repent, they do not bear all or even most of the blame. Pastors, as Paul Washer rightly and soberly put it, are the greatest threat to the church today.
This blame falls on them for a failure to equip the saints as the Lord commanded (Ephesians 4:12) and on the husbands and fathers of their flocks.
What can be done?
If we have forgotten the unmarried in our busyness, we ought to invite those in this demographic into our churches and wisely care for them. Wisely and lovingly welcome them into your life if you are married with kids. Invest in them, pray with them, encourage them, celebrate with them, disciple them, love them, and challenge them. Do not affirm their every thought or desire.
That is not real love at all—for anyone, no matter what the foolish world says.
If you are a young, single woman who has believed the lies of the culture, do not scorn, mock, or dismiss the wisdom of those around you who fear the Lord and are more conservative in their beliefs and views. Honor your father and mother and repent of your pride in looking down on them. The world has lied to you and said you are a queen and should have the desires of your heart.
The world has told you that you are right in thinking that Christians are self-righteous, bigoted, mean, and intolerant. Don’t be taken in by these lies and these fools.
Some professing Christians need to repent to be sure (see above as we have already said). But many are not what the world says and you need the church of Christ and Christians in your life who will lovingly challenge, pray with, and care for you as you walk through life and seek to glorify God. You cannot live a virtuous, God-honoring life alone without God’s truth and God’s people.
None of us can. May Christ’s true church together prayerfully and faithfully seek to restore the beautiful biblical vision of marriage, children, and discipleship to the glory of God!
In the local church, young people in particular must be discipled into a biblical understanding and faithful living under Christ’s Lordship. Older couples ought to celebrate and not judge younger generations of Christians who are having more children than they did (or were able to). There is no place for envy, bitterness, folly, or shame in the body of Christ.
Yes, people can be and have been irresponsible concerning their children. But insofar as a Christian father and mother are seeking to glorify God, direct their children to Christ and His Word, and raise them in the ways they should go, help them as much as you can.
If you know of a young Christian couple in your local church who has kids and is struggling financially, consider helping them out with a one-time or ongoing gift as you are able (after taking care of and providing for your own, as Scripture commands).
In a culture held captive to the lies of the enemy, let us walk out in joyful obedience the biblical mandate to be fruitful and multiply to the glory of God. And no matter what phase of life we are in, let us celebrate, elevate, and encourage the formation and flourishing of biblical families.
(See more on the DINKs from Matt Walsh who highlights how sad and superficial their lives are and from Michael Knowles who rightly called for an end to this embarrassing and destructive trend).
