If you open up social media, your feed will eventually be flooded with different types of relationship advice.

This advice can range from solid, biblical standards to shallow “red flags.” I still remember the popular TikTok trend that went viral in April of 2024 when creator Megan Boni posted a satirical video describing her “perfect man:”

“I’m looking for a man in finance, trust fund, 6’5, blue eyes.”

Now, this video, which was eventually turned into different types of entertainment, will probably make you chuckle. However, if you ever look at the marriage “must-haves” of many young women, the desire for these characteristics isn’t too far off the mark.

This raises a broader question: Which characteristics are truly matter when considering a future spouse, and which are superficial?

Author Freya India of the Institute for Family Studies nailed down five true “must-haves” that should be at the top of every woman’s future spouse list.

1. He Should Be Clear.

The first characteristic that Freya highlights is the need for men to be clear in their intentions towards you. Any man that beats around the bush or leaves you guessing, places you in an awkward “situationship.” This is an automatic, legitimate red flag. A truly masculine man will not cower in his intention to pursue you in a romantic relationship for the purpose of marriage.

From personal experience, I will never forget when my now husband of over three years first asked me out. He walked right up to me before the evening service started at the church we were attending at the time and asked me out on a date.

While the younger version of me was initially a bit shell-shocked by his clarity, I nonetheless found myself very attracted to his straightforward approach. He didn’t leave me guessing. There was no question in my mind what his intentions were, as he had made that abundantly clear.

2. He Should Protect You.

The second characteristic Freya highlights is the need for you, as the woman, to feel safe with your future spouse—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

A truly, biblical masculine man will seek to protect you not just from harm. Freya notes that even among liberal women, 64% say that men protecting women is important.

Throughout my dating relationship with my husband, we were met with many occasions where I was confident in his desire and ability to protect me. And I can personally attest to the attractiveness of this important characteristic.

3. He Should Be Faithful and Make You Secure.

When I speak of security, I am not talking about “does this dress make me look fat?” While your future spouse should make you feel beautiful, I am talking about a deeper level of security that stems from him being faithful.

Your future spouse should not be following inappropriate accounts on social media. His online activity should not make you wonder if he has a wandering heart and eyes. You should not have question marks every time he goes on his phone.

A truly masculine man is transparent and honest about the temptations and deceitfulness of sin. In addition to this, a good man typically has other good men in his life that he is pouring into while they are pouring into him.

4. He Should Encourage Higher Standards.

Social media is replete with the need for a woman to feel like they are receiving “princess treatment.” I myself have found my algorithm full of women highlighting the fact that they basically do nothing around the house. While this dynamic may certainly work for their family, it is not my reality.

Freya highlights the reality that spouses who have aligned values where each pushes the other higher are more successful and happy than the woman who feels like a “princess.” Essentially, each spouse should strive to make the other spouse a better person.

“A recent report from IFS, The Devout Difference, found that 78% of value-aligned Catholic and Protestant spouses say they are in happy marriages, compared to only 36% of non-aligned spouses.”

5. He Should Believe in Marriage For Life.

The final characteristic that Freya highlights is the need for the man to believe in marriage as a lifelong covenant commitment. Today’s society often encourages divorce for the shallowest of infractions or because the spouses have “fallen out of love” (whatever that means).

Your future spouse should view marriage as being “locked in” and divorce as a “non-option” when life gets hard.

Anything worth having requires work, and marriage is no different. Marriage takes work and children take work. And yet, marriage and family are some of the most fulfilling gifts we are given on this side of eternity.

What joys we would lose out on if we just threw in the towel when tragedies and difficulties struck!

Love isn’t a feeling. Love is a choice. God’s definition of what love is and what it isn’t is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It is an excellent template by which to measure a potential spouse.

While attractiveness and the ability for a man to provide for his family are absolutely important when pursuing a spouse, don’t forget to ask the more important question first: is he a godly young man?

If he does not pass these five pivotal characteristics and exhibit the traits in 1 Corinthians 13, I would encourage you to move on.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…
~Ephesians 5:25~