On Wednesday, January 15th, my wife and I are hoping to celebrate our 48th wedding anniversary. We’re grateful our partnership has come this far! Especially in the season of life when we hear about what is termed “gray divorce.” Another unflattering way to describe these late-in-life divorcees is “silver splitters.”

Statistics don’t lie. Okay, sometimes they do, but not in this case. In 1990, 8.7% of marriages among people over age 50 ended in divorce. That number had grown to 36% by 1990. And—hold your gray mare horses on this—the divorce rate among people 65 and older tripled from 1990 to 2021.

In digging into the supposed “reasons” why couples split up later in life, we find a number of excuses. There’s empty nest syndrome, where couples can’t seem to adjust to not having children at home. Rhonda and I adjusted just fine. Thank you very much.

Older couples usually have accumulated more wealth. That can lead to disagreements about how to spend these riches. Easy solution: don’t make a lot of money!

Then there’s the “desire for a happier life” or pursuing “individual growth.” Frankly, these issues were happening well before the senior years. Men chose golf or business pursuits over family. Women chose careers or tennis or, in some cases, more social activities to offset the loneliness resulting from a weak marriage.

I wonder how the adult children reflect on these broken marriages. Or more dramatically, broken vows. People can often cope by simply saying things like, “Well, it’s their choice. They’re adults.” Or more concerning, “I could see this coming.”

Unmarried children might become quite cautious about committing to marriage. Rhonda and I are surprised by the number of singles who “partner up.” They make reference to “my partner” almost as if they are married. But no. And some of these are “same sex partners.”

Talk about complicated.

Those “gray divorces” also set a bad family precedent for married children.

“Look—my mom and dad realized it just wasn’t working. And it doesn’t seem to be working for us either.”

Warning! Trouble ahead!

Here’s an important question. Whoever said marriage was an easy road? Of course there will be rough times. Or as the airline folks say, “turbulence.” So fasten your safety belt and stay seated. Imagine if a few of the passengers on a flight said,

“This is too bumpy for me. I’m getting off!”

I found this little gem from an article in Vogue. It’s titled, “The Simple Formula That Keeps Couples Happy.” I love simple formulas. Quite often they are useless. But in this case, the information came from the highly respected Gottman Institute.

The “simple formula” was developed by psychologists John M. Gottman and Robert W. Levenson. The two began studying couples back in the 1970s. They asked participants to resolve a disagreement within a short window of time.

In observing how their subject couples approached resolving their arguments, Gottman and Levinson were predicting with more than 90% accuracy the couples that would stay together and which would divorce. Want to know their secret? I’m not telling you.

No…I will tell you. It was based on “maintaining a certain number of positive interactions during moments of conflict.” The two determined that at least five positive interactions were needed to overcome one negative one.

You can look up the article yourself. In summary, the “simple interactions” included showing interest in your mate, expressing affection, making small, meaningful gestures of attention, focusing on what you have in common, offering empathy, apologizing, and even sharing a joke. I realize that for some men this sounds like real work!! Just…try it.

Is there another side to gray divorce? There is. How about gray marriage? Just recently, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported that Bernie Littman and Marjorie Fiterman have tied the knot. The couple—aged 101 and 103 years young—met in 2014 at their senior living facility’s costume party. It’s said they found mutual attraction because they “both still had all their faculties and were able to move around.” As for a honeymoon, well, I DON’T want to know.

Lasting marriages almost always have one thing in common. Commitment. Adhering to those marriage vows bind a couple together. In the same way that Christ has loved His Church. (Read Ephesians 5:25-33.)

Such devotion leaves no room for “silver splitters.”

Happy 48th, Rhonda!