If there is one thing that our cultural leaders are not very earnest about anymore, it is marriage.

There is much ado made about dating and the wedding ceremony itself, but how to succeed in marriage itself is given little attention. Statistics indicate that approximately half of marriages end in divorce. This is more than scandalous, it is destructive to the nation and dreadfully harmful to children, to say nothing about how God vies such things!

It is probable that the failure lies in the ignorance of many regarding the essence of love, real love. Tragically, the word is applied to everything from the food we eat, and the cars we drive, to every form of perversion imaginable!

We would do well as a society to inform ourselves regarding genuine love, and to seek to reestablish it as normative in our culture and language. It is especially incumbent on those who know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior to love as God loves and to manifest that love to the rest of the world.

Therefore, I would like to present some thoughts regarding love for Valentines Day which are relevant all year long.

First, I would like you to set aside everything you have been taught by culture and corporate America regarding “love.” It is most likely untrue and hurtful.

Rather, I would like to present to you what love is as defined by the Author of love, God, who is not only loving, but is the embodiment of love. Scriptures note,

“He who does not love does not know God for God is love,” (I John 4:8 NKJV).

The Greek word most often used for love in the New Testament is the word, “agape,” which refers in simplest terms to caring for another to the point of sacrificing oneself for them. This is the precise opposite of what culture presents as love, which is actually narcissism.

Genuine love is pictured in the Bible as Jesus Christ laying down His life on the cross in order to give us life. 

It is seen in a mother paying whatever price is necessary to protect and provide for her children. It is represented in the young man going to war, willing to die for his family and country to provide them freedom from tyranny. In none of these is there a “looking out for number one” mentality. Christ stated,

“greater love has no man than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends,” (John 15:13 NKJV).

Such love is a matter of one’s will and not a feeling. It is a choice that one makes and determines to carry out without regard to the cost. It is this love that is sorely missing in many marriages in America, and which must be restored.

Too many Americans enter marriage lightly without understanding at all what love is, and thus find the pressures that come with uniting two different people in such a union overwhelming. Adding to the problem are the many people in powerful and influential places who benefit from the confusion and chaos that follows the weakening and dissolution of the family.

Love is not easy. 

It contradicts our basic instinct of selfishness. It costs, sometimes more than we think we can give. But love is also the only pathway to where we, in our hearts, really want to go.

Unfortunately, we have been led to believe otherwise.

On every hand we hear the barkers selling their wares of “happiness” and “fulfillment.” They tell us if we buy what they are selling, focusing attention on ourselves, we will experience the best life, a life of satisfaction and happiness. Yet few people examine the track record of these hucksters to discover the trail of broken hearts and tragedy they leave behind.

Someone has well said, “anyone wrapped up in themselves makes a very small package.” Such narcissism was accurately named for the young man in the ancient Greek myth who, falling in love with his own image in the water, simply withered away.

Jesus Christ is the greatest illustration of love, as we read in John 3:16,

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life,” (NKJV).

What Christ sacrificed in coming to earth, taking on the sins of mankind, and dying on the cross is beyond our ability to comprehend. It was a gift of infinite cost, but it was love, and it demands nothing in return. If we do not accept His love, He allows us to go on to our own destinies.

Such is the love that will create successful marriages. Two people entering into a union in which they give themselves to the other and make no demands in return. The benefits of such love are not immediately apparent, but when a couple determines to stick it out, they find it to be well blessed:

• They discover the joy inherent in giving.
• They discover someone who values them enough to stick with them in spite of their weaknesses and failures (we all have them!).
• They grow in their own ability to forgive and bear with another person’s foibles and humanity.
• They learn the importance of delayed gratification, by which one enjoys the much greater joys in life which only come with time, maturity, and patience.
• They find that selfishness is an empty pursuit which brings far more pain than pleasure.
• And they also (hopefully) learn that God blesses the keeping of marriage vows, and that sacrificing one’s own comfort and pleasures for one’s spouse and children pays a dividend that only gets richer and richer with time; to say nothing of the fact that stable, long-term marriages also provide a superior culture in which children thrive the best!

With each passing year Valentine’s Day has become more and more insipid and pointless as our culture has wandered from the principles of genuine love and permanent marriage.

This year, I challenge the reader to determine to choose to love as God loves and to reinforce the biblical culture of marriage and family that when put into practice is an exquisite portrait of God’s sacrificial love and goodness.