A recent Gallup poll found that young American men are surprisingly lonely—more so than young American women, and more so than young men in many other countries. A full 25% of American men ages 15–34 reported feeling significant loneliness—10 percentage points higher than the median result for young men in other high-income nations.

As God puts it, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18, NIV). Perhaps we are discovering this the hard way. In our culture, we have spent decades telling ourselves that marriage doesn’t matter that much, all while coming up with all sorts of substitutes for the pleasures we are supposed to find in that context alone. As we’ve made the substitutes more normal, the “suitable helper” has become less normal. In 1949, 79% of households were headed by a married couple. In 2024, that number had shrunk to 47%.

The Bible also explains that a man is to rejoice in the wife of his youth (Proverbs 5:18). But our pattern of behavior indicates that we believe otherwise. Just last year, the average man got married for the first time at 30 years old. The average woman married at 29. And this isn’t just a sudden phenomenon. From numbers gathered in 2020, over 80 percent of the Silent Generation were married between 23 and 38. Generation after generation, this rate slowly declined, until only 44 percent of Millennials were married between those ages.

As the decades have rolled by, we’ve created a culture that increasingly normalizes men being alone. Perhaps that’s part of why we now feel lonely. What do we do about this?

Frantically scrolling through a dating app is not likely to do it for you. One of the worst things you can do once you’ve identified a problem is to scramble thoughtlessly for the solution. True solutions take wisdom, and wisdom often takes time. As a young single man myself, I know it’s hard to internalize this. So let’s take time to remember some key truths that young men our age need to know. 

First and foremost, Christ fulfills. Your desires are met in Him alone. As the psalmist put it, “Whom have I heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you” (Psalms 73:25). God has made us for Himself, and the witness of both our soul whispering within us and all of creation shouting around us is meant to direct us back to Him. If you are looking to any thing, idea, or woman to fulfill you instead of Christ, you will be sorely disappointed.

But God did not create you in a vacuum, with nothing around you but empty space. He created many creaturely things from which you should receive creaturely pleasures, as long as you enjoy them in Him. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalms 37:4). That’s the key—God is always first, and the very good things He created are always second. God will add all these things unto you if you seek first His kingdom and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33).

So, we might need to pause here. If Christ is not first in your life—or if Christ isn’t even in your life at all—you’ll need to change that before you expect to fix the loneliness problem. Maybe that’s even the real cause of the loneliness problem. No marriage will truly succeed if Christ isn’t the center of it. You might even find yourself just as lonely as before (Proverbs 21:9).

Beware of marrying “to plug a gap in your life.” There’s a right way and a wrong way to take that. On the one hand, singleness is not good (Genesis 2:18). It is not a “blessing” as some people make it out to be. She will certainly complement you in ways you could never experience elsewhere. But on the other hand, she will never be able to fill a gap caused by your lack of faith in Christ, and you’ll suck the life out of her if you expect her to solve this incompleteness. Get right with God, and marry because of what you can give, not what you can take.

So, your desires are ultimately fulfilled in Christ. But then Christ gives us people around us through whom He does this, so we have more reason to love each other in community. When you’re single, look to Christ to fulfill certain longings. And He is your sure companion (Deuteronomy 31:8). When you’re married, still look to Christ, but through your wife, to fulfill those longings (Ecclesiastes 4:9–12). Christ never leaves the picture.

But if that time is in the future, then what about right now? Your charge when single is to be devoted to the Lord in body and spirit (1 Corinthians 7:34). You can serve the Lord now in ways you could never do when you’re married. If you throw everything you have into God’s call while you’re single, you’re setting yourself up to throw everything you have into God’s call when you’re married. 

If you have a problem with laziness, address it now. If you have a problem with purity, address it now. Don’t sit around daydreaming about how a future marriage will solve all your problems. Marriage is indeed intended to solve certain problems and satisfy certain desires you now struggle with (Proverbs 5:19, 1 Corinthians 7:5). But if this is your only mindset, you’ll just end up accumulating your problems and dragging them into a marriage with you. If you struggle with pornography while you’re single, you will struggle with pornography when you’re married, unless something changes now.

All that said, the emphasis on Christ does not remove the emphasis on you. Once all the framework of faith is in place, then put in the hard work. Girls don’t drop from the sky into your lap. The Bible describes a good wife as “worth far more than rubies” (Proverbs 31:10). Rubies usually take work to find; that’s what makes them so valuable. If you have a hard time talking to girls, don’t just complain to the world about how lonely you are—be a man, take initiative, get over your fear, trust God, and start talking. If she’s a godly woman, get up the nerve and ask her out. God rewards those who earnestly seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).

I say all this as a single young man who knows what it is like to be alone. But I say this as a single young man who has found Christ. Nothing you desire can compare with Him (Proverbs 3:15). Work hard toward your goal to be married, and wait on the Lord while you work. Defy that pessimistic Gallup poll.